Thursday, December 6, 2012
REALITY SHOW MARATHON by Anthony Solimini
Dear Stupid Ass Questions: There is going to be a 2 day marathon of my favorite reality show with no commercial interruptions. I don't want to miss a thing so I moved the TV into the kitchen and brought in a change of clothes. Do you think it would be crazy of me to buy depends so I don't have to get up to go to the bathroom? A lot could happen while I’d be gone.
ANTHONY: I can’t believe you would ask this question!!! Are you an American? Do you know our constitution? Do you have the union Jack on your front porch or painted on the hood of your car?
This is ‘Merica… Land of the fat, home of the lazy! We are not like other countries. We are first class couch potatoes with a need for excess in everything we do. For example, last year there was a 5 day marathon of The Golden Girls!!! My wife and I cut a hole in our bed and put garbage bags in the holes. For three days we didn’t move from the bed! We watched five days straight. We ordered food and had the delivery guy a key so he could come in and drop it off outside the door. Awesome!
So, don’t buy depends. No, my American fired food, McRib eating slob! Put a toilet in the kitchen. I am not even sure why you don’t already have this, but I will leave that for another day! And remember, if its yellow let it mellow. If it’s brown flush it down!