AN APPLE A DAY by Kenny Colgin

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  KENNY COLGIN

  
  

  Dear Stupid Ass Questions: I went trick or treating with my kids and I found a few apples with pins in them. Should I let them eat them, aren't the pins a joke decoration?

  
  

  

  Size DOES matter so click picture to enlarge

  
  

  KENNY: Spooktacular question, may I say, and let me assure you, you've come to the right place my friend.I was puzzled initially by your question so I took it to our crack team of experts on these matters. (13th floor,,,, ugh I hate going to the 13th floor.). Seriously,,,, every time you go on their floor they look at you like they could just bite your head off! (What a bunch of ghouls.) Anyway, they informed me that the chance of you getting your kids to even eat an apple these days are slim. My word,,,,, look at those little biggers,,,'er I meant buggers! Their entire generation is on their way to being the most obese, (Floor 13 calls them succulent.), generation in the history of the world! Their eating habits are terrible and that suits our monsters,,,,'er I meant associates, just fine. My Lord!!!!!!! You'd think our flesh eating,,,,, I meant esteemed colleagues, were buttering these kids up for something. Soooo, they probably won't eat those apples since they prefer sugar and all the non-healthful stuff. But on the outside chance they do want to eat one of those tainted apples,,,, let them. The way these kids are running around these days piercing and tattooing themselves,,,,, if the needles do poke them chances are it's a hole they were going to have punched in their chubby, little bodies anyway. Thanks for stopping by and we hope you have a less stressful Halloween. P.S., our monsters, no I meant, engagingly productive and useful office mates want your address. (I think they'd like to drop by for lunch sometime).

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