DEAR STUPID ASS QUESTIONS: I just got an important email from Barak Obama! I had no idea he even knew I existed. Do you think that we are pen pals? I signed up to be pen pals with someone while I was in high school, maybe it was him. Maybe he'll hire me as the new vice president! I'm so excited that he wrote me!!! Should I quit my job right away? I want to be ready to go when he calls me to the oval office. Maybe I should pack now. Wait… first should I write back and see when he wants me to leave?
MERC THE COMS: Don’t mess with that dude. Just don’t mess with that dude.
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