Dear Stupid Ass Questions: Why am I so beautiful? I've googled it, gone to Wikipedia. I've even almost asked Jeeves. I don't really trust him so I won't ask him again. Do you trust Jeeves? Like what would he know anyway. Isn't he just a butler?
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MARV: I checked with my friend at the secret government DNA lab and he informed me that you are so beautiful because you were inadvertantly infused with the DC8, DQ1, SI7, FV3, XT2 DNA sequence that is more commonly referred to as the "Not beaten by the ugly stick" strand. You were supposed to be injected with the Rosie O'Donnell strand instead, so please expect to be abducted by aliens soon to correct the mistake. Until then, go get "some action" as much as possible, as after the correction-- you'll be lucky to get spit on by bums. My address is 111 main street, Collinsville IL. I just got a fresh supply of Viagra and my mom is out of town, so there's plenty of action to be had here! Thank you all again for another great week of stupid ass questions! Look me up on Facebook at Marv Ellis, in Collinsville IL for more humor and quibs about my daily life!
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