Dear Stupid Ass Questions: When I was baby sitting my 3 month old niece today she started making these strange gutural sounds. Almost like she is possessed. I’m a Christian and read this kinda stuff in the Bible all the time. Do you think she’s possessed? Should I perform an exorcism?
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JEN:
Dear Babysitter of the Year,
First off, why are you speaking Spanish to me? I had to Google “gutural” which is actually spelled “guttural” just to see what you were talking about. I discovered that it means “coming from the throat” in Spanish. Thanks a lot for confusing me and wasting five minutes of my time that I will never get back! Secondly, I have run into this issue before but it hasn’t been with a baby, it’s been with my boyfriend. He makes these oddly loud and questionable sounds while he is asleep. Usually I will flick him in his throat to make him stop but I’m not sure if doing that to a 3 month old baby would be wise. You can try it once and see how it goes. If that doesn’t work just smash up some garlic, mix it with a tablespoon of baby oil, add a pinch of talcum powder and rub it all over your niece’s head until it is absorbed into her scalp. If there are any demons hiding inside her that will be sure to rid her of them while making her smell like an old Italian man at the same time.
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