JESUS AND THE FDA (First Drug Association) by Jimmy Failla

Dear Stupid Ass Questions & Jimmy, Do you think the Vitamin's Jesus took were approved by the FDA?

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Jimmy, Unfortunately, this is one of the few blemishes on Jesus' otherwise

stellar record.  While the Flintsones were around in Jesus' time, the FDA did not regulate their vitamins. The FDA wasn't founded until 1906. Hopefully you can forgive the guy, after all, no matter what type of stunts you pull, Jesus still loves you. Provided you're not a Red Sox fan.

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HAIR TODAY BALD TOMORROW by Jimmy Failla

Dear Stupid Ass Questions & Jimmy, I heard that Omega Vitamin's are great for hair. Rapunzel had great hair. Do you think she took Omegas?

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Jimmy, I'm gonna get shot for letting the cat out of the bag on this but

Rapunzel's hair was actually a wig. If you check closely in the bibliography of the book it tells you about the sorority hazing in which her head was shaved and never grew back. This of course, was the reason she was so reluctant to "let down her hair." She didn't want everyone to know she was bald. Or that she was really just a creepy old guy named Sid who was obsessed with Pokemon.

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ADOPTION GONE WRONG by Jimmy Failla

Dear Stupid Ass Questions & Jimmy, I just adopted a baby but all he does is cry and cry. Do you think I could return him for a refund?

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Jimmy, If you bought the baby on E-Bay I would say yes, you'll get a refund

within 90 days. But if this was one of the those Kiosks they set up in the mall, I'd say no. Those places come and go like the wind. Give the baby another shot. And if that doesn't work, buy a pet python and play dumb when the crying finally stops and the cops show up.

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BACON, BACON, BACON, by Jimmy Failla

Dear Stupid Ass Questions & Jimmy, I love bacon so much but I know how unhealthy it is for me. I saw a commercial on how Dawn dish soap breaks grease and oil. Could I wash the bacon in Dawn first to make it healthy?

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Jimmy, Technically speaking, yes, you could wash the bacon in dish soap to cut down the grease. But then you could also leap off the Empire State Building to cut down the amount of time you spend waiting for the elevator. I guess what I'm trying to say is, give it a shot. And remind me to never let you cook me an omelette.

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EQUAL RIGHTS by Jimmy Failla

Dear Stupid Ass Questions & Jimmy, Now that its legal for same sex marriage my son is getting married. We want to please Jesus so we're thinking of having his wedding at our local farmers barn. Do you think Jesus will approve…I mean he was born in one right?

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Jimmy, Let me first say, that as a married man, I'd like to congratulate your son on throwing his life away. As far as the whole "barn party" goes, I think you're over analyzing the Jesus thing. I've never heard anyone                                          getting damned to hell because of the location of a wedding reception.

Although I have to admit, if it happens this time, it's kind of funny. Especially if the devil greets you in a hideous bridesmaid dress and leads you on a conga line to the song "Hot, Hot, Hot."

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SEX & MICHAEL DOUGLAS by Thomas J. Bellezza

THOMAS J. BELLEZZA

Dear Stupid Ass Questions: I just read that Michael Douglas got throat cancer from having oral sex with woman. Does this apply to oral sex with men as well?

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Thomas: Men don't like talking during sex so you should be fine. Also, we really don't place much merit into individuals who have no value in our lives anymore. Since the “War of the roses” who really cared about Michael Douglas? He had cancer of the throat from doing Wall Street 2. It was Gods way of punishing him for wasting all our time. The good news, he survived, so now we can wait for the next stupid ass movie he makes to come out. He was good in Spartacus though. Oh wait, that was his dad. I almost Douglas myself into a grave.

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WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT? by Thomas J. Bellezza

THOMAS J. BELLEZZA

Dear Stupid Ass Questions & Thomas, Is it true that the story of, "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" isn’t true?

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THOMAS: False. Truth be told, it is a fictitious fable truthfully being spread among backbiting aspersions as calumny deceitfully falsified with guile in an inaccurate slander tale with a tiny white lie in which there were no libel action to such a fraudulent misstatement to any disinformation distorted in any dishonest fabrication misrepresented in such a tall story. In other words, it is a whopper thing. I hope that answered your question. If it didn't, I have a small confession to make; Green colors taste like purple people eaters with one eye one horn sexy dances.

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