Power Outage by Tasha Harris

Dear Stupid Ass Questions: I own an apartment building & I provide power to all the apartments. Recently a new tenant moved in to one of the units and I forgot to have the power turned on for them for about a month ( I was on vacation & didn’t answer any calls during that time). He has threatened to sue me because it was in the dead of winter. Do you think I could tell him that the apartment is for Amish only & that I thought he knew that when he moved in? And should I buy a beard and Amish clothes when I meet with him.

TASHA: Do not tell him the apartment is for the Amish only unless you do want a lawsuit. Instead, offer to give the tenant 1/2 off on the rent and a complimentary back shaving.

Biggest Loser by Tasha Harris

Dear Stupid Ass Questions: I have watched the last 3 seasons of the biggest loser and just love it. Every time it’s on I get my chips, salsa, chocolate cake & diet soda and sack in on the couch for an evening of food fun and tears (I always cry as their stories are so sad). My question is this. Is it wrong to eat so much while I am watching the show? I feel a little guilty. Kinda like I shouldn’t eat as a way to show my support. But whenever I watch it I get super hungry. I shouldn’t have to suffer should I?

TASHA: It would be wrong NOT to eat during The Biggest Loser. Lose the guilt. You have everything to gain.

Healthy Foods by Tasha Harris

Dear Stupid Ass Questions: If I eat huge portions of healthy foods will I still lose weight? Lettuce is healthy so could I chop up 8 heads of lettuce & throw on a bottle of blue cheese. Cheese is good so that’s ok right?

TASHA: The first step towards building self-esteem is self-acceptance. Skip the lettuce and drink the bottle of blue cheese.

Matthew 19:12 by Tasha Harris

Dear Stupid Ass Questions: My fiancé thinks god is calling him to be a eunuch (Matthew 19:12) instead of marrying me. Should I try to convince him to marry me anyway, or should I dump his fundamentalist ass?

Tasha: This guy is a keeper, the perfect man for today’s woman. You can walk over him in your favorite pair of Jimmy Choos and he won’t have sex with other women. (He won’t have sex with you either.) Marry him now, before Lori Gottlieb snatches him.

Sheep Juking? by Tasha Harris

Dear Stupid Ass Questions: Over the weekend I may have had a bit too much to drink and I may not have been thinking too clearly. I ended up waking up in the corner of my front porch with a ticket and a business card in my hand. The local Sheriff wrote me a ticket for "sheep juking" which carries a fine of $460 or 36 hours of community service. What exactly is "sheep juking"? Should I pay the fine or do community service? Will I require testing for an STD? Please help!

TASHA: You were cited for dry humping a sheep. Save yourself the embarrassment and pay the fine. You won’t need testing for an STD, but the sheep will. No means no!